March.... catching up!

So as usual, time has sped by without me realizing it. Elizabeth is getting closer and closer to turning two years old...which is totally crazy to me... while Samuel is already four months old! These babies of mine will be getting married before I can blink!!
Okay that is slightly dramatic (and by slightly I mean VERY) but that is the mood I am in apparently.

Lets see- I will try to share some brief pieces of each person in this growing family! Starting with the most handsome of all... drum roll.... AARON!!

Aaron is amazing. He turned 27 a few weeks ago!! He is gracious enough to do these things before me ;-) Anyways, he is going to school full time studying Political Science with an emphasis in international relations. He constantly amazes me with how much he knows about world politics. It is a passion of his that really shines through when he tells me about it. He will finish up his bachelors degree next spring- two semesters away! Lets see, on top of full time school he is working full time at the University Hospital doing security. He has been there over a year now and it has been a wonderful job for our family. It is really the only reason we were able to have Sam so soon. Thank goodness for insurance! Aaron works hard managing those two areas of his life and still leaves plenty of time for us. We have a lot of fun together!

Elizabeth is 21 months now... closing in on two years! She is a ball of energy and happiness. She is an awesome sleeper- she sleeps at least 12 hours straight at night and about two hours for a nap each day. Lizzie eats everything and anything that we give her. She loves eating veggies and fruits as much as treats. She isn't too crazy about meat yet but is getting better at that. Lizzie is a smartie-pants! She learns so quickly and has many many words that she will say! My favorites are: Sam (which sounds like Nam!), work, treat, hot dog, hold you, happened?, bless you.... oh the list can go on forever! She is becoming very adventurous with her climbing skills. She has no problem climbing on the kitchen chairs and even the table now. It freaks me out and we are teaching her not to do that but I'm secretly proud of her for it :) Lizzie is aware of her body and tells us when she needs to go potty.... not that she is ready but it is on the horizon!!! Lets see... she is learning to name shapes and colors, she pretends to read, she loves Winnie the pooh and mickey mouse, she has a play kitchen, shopping cart, and purse that she enjoys playing with each day. We bought a small playground slide thingy that Lizzie can climb and slide down on her own! It has a small basketball hoop on the side that she places a ball through. She knows the names of most animals and likes to pick a different stuffed animal to sleep with each night. I am totally biased but I think she is such an amazing little lady. She is sweet and caring towards Sam, always asking to hold him or give him hugs and kisses. If she wakes up in the  middle of the night the first person she asks about is Sam. She loves him and it shows!

Samuel is 4 months already... I blinked and this happened! He had his checkup yesterday and is in the 96th percentile for length and 40th for weight.... He is tall and skinny like his daddy!!! He has outgrown all the 3 month clothes and I am finding it a challenge to keep ahead of his clothes! As far as his personality goes, he is turning into such a happy boy. He laughs quite often now and will smile all the time. He doesn't fuss much and he goes to sleep easily. He loves to play on the little play mat where he grabs onto the toys and yanks them around. He is getting better at tummy time though he is not a big fan of it. He takes a few 1-2 hour naps each day, not really scheduled yet but pretty consistent. He will sleep for 5-6 hours at night waking up only to feed and go right back to sleep. He has practically outgrown his bassinet so we borrowed a crib from my sweet sister and he moved out! He and Lizzie share a room now and that has been an adventure. They had two good nights together and two semi-bad nights... but we are not giving up on it! They will adjust soon I hope! Sam is starting to roll onto his sides and likes to be propped up to a sitting position though he is just as happy on his back. We fed him rice cereal for the first time today and I had forgotten how it is to start at the beginning! Most of the cereal was pushed back out onto his bib :) Lizzie loved watching it though, we all had a good time teaching Sammie how to eat.

Hmmm.... what to say about myself..... I am recovering from having my second child. I feel that after having two c-sections in 18 months my body has a long way to go. I am formulating plans for how I want to change that but I'm not stressed about it. A friend told me- it took 9 months to gain that weight so you can take 9 months to loose it! I like that motto :) I am at home with Lizzie and Sam but have some secret projects on the side. I keep pretty busy with three church callings as well as attending Sunday meetings alone with two babies (Aaron has to work Sundays right now)... it is quite the experience! I like to cross stitch and would love to learn how to crotchet... still waiting for the motivation to start that! I have thought about masters programs but decided I would rather spend my time with Sam and Lizzie during the days and with Aaron at night when he is home! I am reading more which is something that I had missed. But when Aaron is working on homework at night, I find myself with the time to return to that wonderful outlet.

We have a fun little family full of love and laughter. I am very grateful to Heavenly Father for Aaron, Elizabeth, and Samuel. We are blessed with so much. I love my Savior Jesus Christ. I am so far from perfect and need the Atonement in my life. I am really enjoying the scriptures lately, they are full of inspiration. I think I am a happier person just by reading them each day. I feel the Holy Ghost more frequently throughout my day. Small changes make a big difference. I love my life!!!!! I love all of you reading this! Thanks for reading my roaming, random thoughts!!!! Have a great day!

These pictures are from the last few months, enjoy!

We made our special Christmas candy trains!

Me and Sam

Lizzie loves wearing Aaron's shoes

Cuddling with my sleeping boy... it's the best!

Morning snuggles in my bed

Love the look on his face :)

Lizzie's first ponytail!!!

I'm so proud!

Coloring on her tummy!

Beautiful Christmas dress from Great Grandmother Harman

Daddy makes the best babysitter ;-) 

Morning cuddles again

Family picture on Sam's blessing day!

Lizzie pushing Sam in her shopping cart! (Don't worry it was only staged.... I don't actually let her do this!)

Again Dad makes the best babysitter!!! hehehe!

Holding Sam!

Cuddles! Sam isn't so sure about it!

Check out those big chubby cheeks! 

My beautiful Elizabeth! Finally learning to really smile!

Rolling onto his side! Yes, one of the down sides to having an older sister is that many toys are pink....!

Taken today! He loves to suck on his fists! Getting ready to eat rice cereal!

Messy eater!

Samuel joins our family!

So it's been a little over a week since Sammie was born and I have been reflecting a lot on his birth as well as on Lizzie's. I never wrote about Lizzie's because it was too painful and upsetting for me for quite a long time. By the time I was okay with it she was much older and it seemed silly to be writing about months earlier. So I have decided now to write about both and hopefully make some sense to other people!

Before Elizabeth was born, I had all these thoughts about the perfect natural birth. I wanted to do it all on my own. I wanted to be strong! Millions of women throughout the years have given birth without medicine, without help from doctors... I wanted to be as strong as so many women before me. I am a little stubborn like that. But my plans didn't work out so well. My due date was supposed to be June 7th. Every doctors appointment leading up to that day had the same results- no dilation. Every check was the same. After a week, my doctor wanted to induce me and I was more than ready! So on June 14th Aaron, my mom and I went to the hospital. Even there I was checked and still nothing. One nurse optimistically told me I was at a one but I think she was being nice :) My cervix was holding her in tight! I was given some medicine to ripen my cervix which started my labor. After about ten hours the pain became unbearable. We labored through contraction after awful contraction until mom and Aaron were able to reason with me to get an epidural. We settled down after a bit and the nurses continued monitoring her heart. After each contraction, her heart rate would fall. It is supposed to fall with the contraction so they knew that something wasn't right. My doctor said he recommended doing a C-section but would give her some time and see if things improved. A specialist was brought in to provide a second opinion. The feelings going through me were of failure. I didn't want to do a C-section but I felt in my heart that Elizabeth needed that.

I don't know if any of you have seen the movie- What to expect when you are expecting- but I relate very well with Wendy :-) she planned and planned, even typed her birth plan! But ended up needing a C-section. We went to see that movie a few weeks before I gave birth and I remember crying during that part of the movie thinking that I would hate it if that happened to me. I cried for her, knowing that those desires were right there inside of me. I had those fears and in that delivery room they came true. Aaron and I talked alone after the doctors recommended this procedure and prayed about it. I cried as I told Aaron it was the right thing to do. A few minutes later, Aaron and my mom were prepped to come in the operating room with me. They looked adorable in their blue outfits :-) we had little sleep and no food all night long. They gave me some anti-nausea medicine that made me throw up a few times, ironic right? I began shaking as the adrenaline kicked in. The operation went very quickly and smoothly. The doctors were excellent. Before I knew it, I could hear Lizzie's sweet cry in the room. When she came out, we quickly realized what was wrong. Elizabeth was tangled multiple times in her umbilical cord. It wrapped around her neck, arms, legs, everywhere, multiple times. It was like a puzzle trying to untangle her. She didn't have any room to move or descend so it was good that we didn't try to push her out! I was stitched up quickly with Aaron by my side while my mom was with Elizabeth being cleaned up and examined by the nurses. I finally got to see my beautiful little baby girl! When everything calmed down we were able to nurse and bond. She was so perfect and the pains of labor melted away. I recovered physically very quickly but like I said it took a long time to heal emotionally. In fact, I don't think I had healed quite fully until last week when Samuel was born. I love Elizabeth and would go through it all again but I wished for so long that it could have been different. I would replay that night/morning in my mind over and over wondering if I could have done anything different. If I could have been stronger. I may have tortured myself a little bit... but it was a hard time for me.

When we decided to have our second child, I was both hopeful for that second chance- my chance to try a natural birth again, and terrified that the same thing would happen again. In between my two babies births, my older sister had her first child and was able to have the natural, beautiful birth that I had longed for. She was living in Japan at the time and my mom, Lizzie, and I were able to visit her. I struggled emotionally when I got there knowing that she did what I couldn't do. Over the next few months, she and I talked about our births often. She had a doula to support her and her husband during their delivery and she was training to become one so I asked her if she would be mine during this second birth. Together with Aaron, Sue and my mom, we planned and prepared to do a natural birth. We delivered Sam at a different hospital than Lizzie and my doctor wasn't able to deliver there so we worked with the midwives near the end of my pregnancy. On Nov. 10th we left Lizzie with Aaron's parents and checked into the hospital and hoped for the best. Just as with Lizzie, I had dilated maybe to a one... promising right? Instead of using medication to induce labor, they suggested we use something called the Cook catheter. You can look that up if you want to know how it works- I don't want to go into a lot of details ;-) Anyways, it started my labor nicely. The contractions were strong but bearable. We rocked together, we used counter pressure, we walked all up and down the stairs in the hospital trying to increase our dilation and labor. After about 20 hours, we were dilating nicely and when we reached an eight they asked if we could break the amniotic sac. We agreed and continued to labor after it was done. The pain became awful- very similar to the pain that I felt during Lizzie's birth. The midwives thought that I was ready to push and encouraged me for about an hour to try. Aaron was holding me and trying to work through the contractions that were increasing rapidly. I told him I didn't think it was working and didn't feel right. They moved me to the bed and checked my cervix again.... I was back down to a five! Apparently the amniotic sac had been pushing against my cervix and keeping it open more than it really was ready to be. Hearing that my cervix had closed a little was very upsetting. I cried and told them I needed an epidural. As they gave me the epidural the contractions continued to worsen. They came every minute and were awful! After the medicine began to numb my lower body, they checked my cervix again and in that hour from the last check, I was dilated to a nine!!!! I was so mad! Tears were streaming down my face as every person in that room stared at me. I didn't know what to do and I felt a lot of pressure from their stares. The nurse was trying to get a good reading on Sam's heart to make sure he was handling all those intense contractions okay. Well, he wasn't. His heart rate could barely be found so they used a small monitor that they stuck into his scalp and his heart rate was around 80 beats per minute. It should be around 130 normally so they were very worried. The midwives consulted with the doctor in charge and they suggested that we do a C-section. I said okay lets go now. They proceeded to explain it over and over that it was necessary. I kept saying okay, okay, okay. I think they felt bad that things had changed so drastically from our original plan. But for some reason, when those pains began earlier I knew that this would be the outcome. I knew that it would be okay and that Sam would be delivered through a C-section. So when they came to tell me their recommendation I was ready. Five minutes later, Aaron joined me in the operating room and shortly after that, Sam was delivered early Tuesday morning. He was a dark purple when he came out but he recovered quickly. Turns out, his umbilical cord was very short! It was ripped from the placenta when they pulled him out. He couldn't descend well either! We joked after that Lizzie's was too long, Sam's was too short, our next babies will be just right :) Anyways, for some reason I felt peace. After laboring for the first day without any medication at all, I realized that I was strong enough to go through labor. I felt that it was totally different than what I went through with Lizzie and so during that process somehow I healed from the pains of Lizzie's birth. Interestingly enough, we had the same ending with Sam and I don't feel those feelings of anger or resentment towards myself. I love my babies and would go through the emotional pains of a C-section a million times rather than give them up. I am so grateful for the advancements of medicine that allow them to arrive in this world safely. I don't know if they would have been okay had we tried to do a vaginal birth, but I am grateful for the guidance from my Heavenly Father. We weren't alone as we delivered either of our children. The decisions that were made were prompted by the Holy Ghost. I feel peace after Sam's birth! I feel peace reflecting on Lizzie's birth. Now we are home and loving the time with our two babies! No it's not easy but we are in love. I forgot how much newborns sleep! He is so gentle and content. Lizzie adores him! She gives him kisses and hugs all day long. The first thing she says when she wakes up in the morning or from a nap is baby?! She wants to know where he is and once she finds him and kisses him she can go on and play. She gets jealous when I am breastfeeding him and she wants my attention but overall she is coping with the changes very well. She is learning new words every day and when she says Sam it sounds more like Nam but its adorable. We are all loving this new little angel from heaven.

Well, I think this is the longest blog I have ever written but I hope if you have made it to the end that you enjoyed it. My hopes for the future have not changed. I still will attempt a natural birth (though we will wait a little longer next time!) and I am hopeful for that day. I love my family!!! Here are a few pictures of the birth and our family after. Enjoy!

Two weeks before Sam joined our family

Me and Sue!

Aaron helping me through contractions

Meeting Sam!

Next day after we got a tiny bit of sleep

Our new family

Lizzie and Sam's first hug :)

Second day in hospital after the delivery

Home at last! Cuddling with Dad :)

Me and my babies! Sorry I look so tired, but that's life these days and I love it :)

Time is up!

Okay so I'm not the best at blogging, I will try to work on that. But I love my family and have to share some thoughts. My due date is in two days (Nov 4th) and we are preparing as much as we can for this little man to join our family. Lizzie was eight days late so I'm trying to wait patiently for this baby boy to come! I have to laugh, lots of people have been asking me if I meant to get pregnant so soon again, ie if this was a mistake. I know that people mean well when saying this but it's weird to me. What's wrong with having your children close together? Why is it such a popular trend these days to wait three or four years in between? Why does it matter to everyone? I want mine close together, you may want yours spread apart... It's a personal choice! Yes I intended to get pregnant even though Lizzie is only 16 months old. I know lots of people think I'm crazy (or brave...) but I'm excited! I'm sure it will be hard. I'm sure it will be an adjustment. I'm sure we will love every minute of it. The anticipation of him joining our family any day now is overwhelming! Lizzie is going to be an incredible big sister. She has had lots of practice with babies already and I'm sure she will adore this baby boy. Aaron is on pins and needles waiting for him also! Working full time and being a full time student has Aaron super busy but he can't wait to have a son. We are feeling very blessed at this time. Not only do we have an awesome daughter but we will soon have a son!
I think that's all I have to say right now. Lets hope these contractions pick up quick and we get this little angel out into the world! I'll try not to take too long to blog about his birth! Wish us luck!

Can't believe it has been a year!

Our happy family!

This past year has passed way too quickly.... I'm sure everyone would agree with me on that. Lizzie is a year old! For her birthday we decided to have a family bbq at the park. Lizzie loves to swing and go down the slides so it seemed like a great place to celebrate. Lizzie and I spent the day at my mom's house while waiting for Aaron to get off work. We had a small birthday party with our neighbor friends where Lizzie got her first cupcake of the day! The girls loved celebrating with us and got Lizzie a cute present. We are glad to have such good friends :) The girls played with Little People while I made Lizzie's first birthday cake!!!! I am so proud of it but I'll explain the reasoning behind it. For my first birthday my mom made a balloon cake for me. Obviously I don't remember it but I love the pictures that I have of that great day. So I felt it would be fitting to make one for Lizzie! It was pretty simple but sweet. Lizzie was sitting with her grandpa while I was frosting them and was given some of the frosting while she watched. She loved the way it tasted so when she got a cupcake and then her cake later, boy she was in heaven! Talk about a sugar overload! But she was one happy baby! She got a bunch of fun presents from her grandparents and aunts and uncles- her favorite is a "smart phone" that she carries all over the house up next to her ear chattering away. She loves the noises that it makes- Aaron and I are in trouble if our one year old is already hooked!
Anyways, this past month we have done some fun things. We took Lizzie on her first hike up Waterfall canyon! We didn't have the best timing on that one and managed to get up to Ogden right as she was ready for her nap but we still hiked it and she didn't protest too much :) We have gone to the zoo quite a few times- Lizzie is becoming more aware of the animals instead of only the people there. It is one of our family favorites already! Swimming is becoming more popular as well now that the weather is heating up so much! She loves to swim with us or sits like a queen in her floaty! She will sit there and wave to anyone around her (though she does that no matter where she is!)
Lastly, Lizzie has been coming to some doctors appointments with me while we prepare for a little brother to come to our family in November! We don't have an accurate due date yet but we can't wait. Lizzie loves her cousins and friends and I'm sure she will make a loving big sister! Enjoy the pictures!

Our hike!!

Party with friends :)

Cupcake face with Grandma H!

 Giving kisses

Happy family!

Loves her Daddy

Swinging

Again... :)

Loves her family

Opening presents with Grandma J

Lizzie's Birthday cake!!!

Blowing out the candle!

Started out by eating the white frosting flowers...

Loves the frosting....

Dad had to cut it open so she could find the cake part too!

Just too cute

I see you!

Messy baby!

Our happy little family

Kisses for our little love!

Love, Lizzie J